Tips for Surviving Christmas Amidst Separation & Divorce

Christmas has a way of amplifying everything, even in the best of times.

The joy.
The grief.
The longing.
The exhaustion.
The memories of what was.
And the uncertainty of what now is.

For families contemplating or navigating separation or divorce, Christmas can feel especially heavy. Christmas carries deep emotional and relational meaning. It’s wrapped up in ideas of family, togetherness, tradition, and continuity, all things separation naturally disrupts. Even when you’re “doing okay” most days, this time of year can bring waves of sadness, despair, guilt, resentment, or fear… and often all at once.

If that’s you, I want you to know this first:

Nothing is wrong with you. This is normal.

Co-Parenting at Christmas: There Is No One Right Way

When it comes to separating families with children, the challenges of the holiday season can be that much more overbearing. For many people, this season brings:

• Grief for the family structure that once existed

• Pain around shared memories or unmet expectations

• Anxiety about co-parenting arrangements and “who gets what day”

• Guilt about children navigating two homes

• Loneliness or disconnection from extended family

• Pressure to “make it magical” while feeling anything but

Even in the most amicable separations, Christmas can highlight loss. The fear that you’ve somehow created “brokenness” or inferior traditions for your children can become all-consuming.

And in higher-conflict or emotionally complex separations, the stress is often magnified further, particularly when holiday arrangements become a source of tension or dispute.

Families Don’t Have to Be “Broken” After Separation

But here is the truth, for many the fears and guilt around Christmas and celebration come with more burden than they need to carry. Because one of the biggest myths I see at this time of year is that there’s a “correct” way to do Christmas after separation.

There isn’t.

Some families spend Christmas Day together.
Some alternate years.
Some split the day.
Some celebrate on different dates.
Some are still finding their footing and simply doing the best they can.

What matters most is not the structure, but the emotional safety within it.

For some families, celebrating together post-separation can be healing and reassuring for children. For others, it’s not safe, appropriate, or supportive and that is equally valid.

This is not about forcing closeness.

It’s about conscious choice that supports the wellbeing of your own unique family’s circumstances and creating new traditions that are equally as beautiful and memorable regardless.

5. Tips for Surviving Christmas in Separation

If you’re finding this season particularly tender, here are some supportive reminders that may help:

1. Lower the bar
This doesn’t need to be your “best” Christmas.
A calm, present parent matters more than perfection.

2. Regulate before you respond
If something triggers you, a message, a memory, a change of plans, pause.
A few slow breaths can prevent hours (or days) of emotional fallout.

3. Keep communication simple
Short, clear, child-focused communication is often safest during heightened periods. You don’t need to resolve everything right now.

4. Let children feel what they feel
They don’t need you to fix their emotions, just to acknowledge them.
“It makes sense you feel sad/confused/mixed” is often enough.

5. Choose presence over pressure
Children remember how they felt with you, not how much you did.

6. Reach out if you’re overwhelmed
Support is not a failure. It’s a protective choice. Separation doesn’t pause just because it’s Christmas.

If you’re navigating heightened emotions, co-parenting stress, or urgent decisions over the holiday period, I am available for emergency support where appropriate. Please reach out if you need grounding, guidance, or help navigating a particularly tender moment.

And if at any point you feel unsafe emotionally or physically please prioritise support through trusted professionals, 000 or 1800RESPECT.

Final Reminder - There is HOPE

Know that things cannot and do not stay the same. What is Christmas this year does not have to be next year, it can be different because you will be different. Even small internal shifts can have big external impacts.

And if this Christmas has highlighted patterns you don’t want to carry into another year. conflict, emotional reactivity, stuck dynamics, or ongoing pain, I want you to know that high touch support is coming in 2026.

My Cycle Breakers - Conscious & Collaborative Uncoupling Mastery Journey begins on 18 February and is open to you, no matter what stage of the journey you are on.

And just remember, you don’t need to be ready today... You just need to know that change is possible.